Where stories find a home.

 The last time I put down my thoughts it was yet another milestone for me in my parenting journey. I had to wean off Ichu last November due to my health and we have been on a roller-coaster ride ever since.  Ichu, on the other hand,  had to go through several melt downs considering the amount of brain development that happened during these many months. We started exposing Ichu to books when she turned 6 months old. Today she has a better library than I ever did as a kid. One of her books that stay close to my heart is called 'Feelings'. We used to read it every single day and now that she is capable of communicating exactly how she feels while facing new situations, I feel proud as a mother. I know I gave up my career to guide this little girl through her infancy but this has been my most successful project I ever undertook. Ichu recently joined a pre-school and she hasn't found it comfortable yet. Momo and myself are currently finding small eateries near her pre-school in order to help ourselves reach her at the earliest whenever she starts to lose her cool. Today morning while I was busy packing her snack box, she held my hand and said," Amma, I don't want to go to school. I don't like that place." I looked her tiny little face and realized how much she has grown and how well she put her feelings across to me. Though her words broke my heart and made me wonder if I was a bad person to force my kid to go to a place she doesn't like, I decided to ask her what is stopping her to explore her new school and facilities. Then she said, " Ichunu ammaye kaanan patunnillallo!" How do you reply to that innocent answer? It's been 3 days she's been coming back with wet sleeves soaked in her tears and every time I go to pick her, she looks into my eyes with the most painful smile. I do understand that this is just a phase and that she will get used to school within week. I remember my father telling me the other day how I would beg him and cling onto his legs crying not to leave me at school but he would leave anyway because that's how the world works.  When our parenting techniques are so different you do feel alone in this society. We as parents have decided to give her childhood that she would always cherish. But here we are yet again, failing to keep our promise in order to make her part of the society. Life is so full of paradoxes as they say. I do not know how long this phase would be but each minute that I am away from her is like a million years of suffering for me. It's funny how tomorrow I still have to wear my confident mother face in order to ensure her smooth transition into a pre-school. Will it be worth it or should I just home school her?  

 Just another Friday night turned out to be my worst nightmare last week. I managed to cook dinner for the whole family but just because I didn't have any left, I decided to order via Zomato. I ate it even though I knew something was wrong with it. I woke up at 3 am with severe pain in my abdomen and what followed landed me at Emergency care. Ichu saw me lose consciousness and she saw me being pricked by needles. She saw me being taken to MICU. She waited patiently till midnight to catch a glimpse of me. They didn't let her in and Momo had a tough time soothing her to sleep. Well she slept completely exhausted from all the wailing. Ichu has been exclusively nursed to sleep all these years and then one fine night it was snatched from her. Next day they didn't let me meet her till noon. My parents told me she has been so mature about this and corporated with them every single time. I was so proud of her but I knew she would break in front of me soon. As soon as she saw me, she bit her lips to not let her cry it out. But her eyes spoke volumes of the pain she went through. She wouldn't come next to me or sit next to me. I extended my hand so many times just to touch her once but she walked away breaking my heart into million pieces. Momo told me she hasn't slept in all these nights and has been missing me so much. Today I got discharged and we were all convinced that maybe she is mentally ready to be completely weaned. We got into the car and she was finally excited that I am going home with her after  3 nights. She didn't ask me milk and I didn't offer her either. We were talking and laughing and everything seemed perfect.Then came the most dreaded minute of my life. It was way past her bedtime and she started losing control over her emotions. I asked her if I could sing her to sleep to which she broke down and kept saying, " Amma poyko....Ichunu mati Ichunu mati....Amma poyko amma poyko...." She cried for good 10 minutes asking me to leave.... I broke down myself and went on my knees saying sorry. I asked her several times if I can pick her up and hug her to which she replied asking me to leave. I had broken my child's biggest emotional support. I stayed their silent drowning in my tears while she cried her heart out telling me how much she went through these 3 days and nights without me. She passed out exhausted on Momo's shoulder and now is sleeping next to me. When will I ever be able to forgive myself for doing this to her....yet another December to remember...

 We recently got an opportunity to attend a wedding at Trivandrum and I must say, it was a memorable trip. We stayed at Kunjiyammumma's home and it was nothing short of perfect. Warm, cozy and peaceful. Weddings are such beautiful occasions for meeting family and friends, even making new friends and memories. I guess Ichu enjoyed the most meeting kids and dancing to her favourite numbers. This story is about a beautiful toddler Aami, who stole my heart. She must be 2 to 3 months senior to Ichu. She was chatty, bratty and weirdly awesome. We met her first on the wedding eve. She was curious about Ichu because Ichu is extremely observant in a new environment. I could also feel her curious little eyes on me every time I spoke to Ichu. She was hovering around us the whole evening. She walked up to to me several times just to sit next to me and stare. Well, that was awkward but hey we smiled and spoke about Ichu. I caught her running behind Ichu calling her kunji baby. She was constantly grabbed away and threatened to be beaten up every time she was loud and impulsive. Toddler age, I guess is all about being told 'NO' every now and then. It's actually sad when we think from their perspective. Facts aside, here's a girl who just doesn't care how much she's being restrained. She is persistent and determined to go ahead for whatever she wants.We must have seen the viral video of this "respectable"elderly uncle in Kerala who walked into a crowded arcade to grab the ass of a young girl who was dancing her heart out. He walked away as soon she turned around to find the culprit who violated her. It's easy for a random guy to violate any young girl child, woman or an old lady in a crowded place. Dear women readers, did you just recollect that traumatic experience once again? Pretty sure, each one of us have been through it once or twice so far in our lives. So yeah back to the story, Ichu, Kunji and Aami found this huge brass vessel right at the reception area of the wedding hall. It was filled with water and many lotus flowers were floating on it. Children had the best time playing with it. Many elderly men were sitting right behind them watching the toddlers have the time of their lives. One of them walked upto Aami and said, " Vellathil kalikkuvano? (Are you playing in water?)"and Aami replied," Athe (Yes)" without even looking at this man. Now I don't know if the elderly man was a family friend or a stranger so I stayed mum waiting to see what's the next move. His next line was, " Varunno ente koode? Mixture vangichu tharaam " (Do you want to come with me? I'll buy you mixture). She  looked at him and replied, " Iri, Iri...(Sit,. sit down). He immediately sat down next to her and asked her the same question. Aami's reply blew my mind. She said," Mixture full erivaa, eneettu poyko, eniku thalparyamilla!"( Mixture is spicy, Get up and leave, I'm not interested!.) My immediate reaction was, " Midukki! ". The man clearly didn't like my response. He got up and walked away. Aami and I shared a good laugh and I ended up getting drenched while keeping an eye of the chattambi ranis. Who's complaining though, I got to watch why bold is the new beautiful. 

 We recently got an opportunity to attend a wedding at Trivandrum and I must say, it was a memorable trip. We stayed at Kunjiyammumma's home and it was nothing short of perfect. Warm, cozy and peaceful. Weddings are such beautiful occasions for meeting family and friends, even making new friends and memories. I guess Ichu enjoyed the most meeting kids and dancing to her favourite numbers. This story is about a beautiful toddler Aami, who stole my heart. She must be 2 to 3 months senior to Ichu. She was chatty, bratty and weirdly awesome. We met her first on the wedding eve. She was curious about Ichu because Ichu is extremely observant in a new environment. I could also feel her curious little eyes on me every time I spoke to Ichu. She was hovering around us the whole evening. She walked up to to me several times just to sit next to me and stare. Well, that was awkward but hey we smiled and spoke about Ichu. I caught her running behind Ichu calling her kunji baby. She was constantly grabbed away and threatened to be beaten up every time she was loud and impulsive. Toddler age, I guess is all about being told 'NO' every now and then. It's actually sad when we think from their perspective. Facts aside, here's a girl who just doesn't care how much she's being restrained. She is persistent and determined to go ahead for whatever she wants.We must have seen the viral video of this "respectable"elderly uncle in Kerala who walked into a crowded arcade to grab the ass of a young girl who was dancing her heart out. He walked away as soon she turned around to find the culprit who violated her. It's easy for a random guy to violate any young girl child, woman or an old lady in a crowded place. Dear women readers, did you just recollect that traumatic experience once again? Pretty sure, each one of us have been through it once or twice so far in our lives. So yeah back to the story, Ichu, Kunji and Aami found this huge brass vessel right at the reception area of the wedding hall. It was filled with water and many lotus flowers were floating on it. Children had the best time playing with it. Many elderly men were sitting right behind them watching the toddlers have the time of their lives. One of them walked upto Aami and said, " Vellathil kalikkuvano? (Are you playing in water?)"and Aami replied," Athe (Yes)" without even looking at this man. Now I don't know if the elderly man was a family friend or a stranger so I stayed mum waiting to see what's the next move. His next line was, " Varunno ente koode? Mixture vangichu tharaam " (Do you want to come with me? I'll buy you mixture). She  looked at him and replied, " Iri, Iri...(Sit,. sit down). He immediately sat down next to her and asked her the same question. Aami's reply blew my mind. She said," Mixture full erivaa, eneettu poyko, eniku thalparyamilla!"( Mixture is spicy, Get up and leave, I'm not interested!.) My immediate reaction was, " Midukki! ". The man clearly didn't like my response. He got up and walked away. Aami and I shared a good laugh and I ended up getting drenched while keeping an eye of the chattambi ranis. Who's complaining though, I got to watch why bold is the new beautiful. 

 Yesterday was Ichu's vaccination day, and I had prepared her well enough for over a week explaining everything to her. She was excited to meet her doctor uncle. But as soon as she walked into his cabin, she fought hard not to cry. She reluctantly showed her Maisy book to him, where Maisy went to the hospital. As usual, her doctor burst out laughing, and she started bawling. Thankfully, he asked our nanny to take her out so that we could talk in private.The first question he asked was how is her association with food. Momo and I replied with a double thumbs up. He was surprised and said, "That's great news." I immediately brought to his attention that we still don't give her refined sugar. He said, " That's the best news I heard today!". Every time we say no to chocolates or other sugar rich food for Ichu, we are often stared at amidst our close family. I understand we all grew up eating chocolates and ice creams. But hey, we have a generation that is taking insulin while writing board exams these days. Ichu does have a sweet tooth, and I cook Carrot halwa and palada whenever she craves for it, but with panakalkandam or jaggery. He even asked how much screentime does she get. Raising a child with zero screen time is such a rare thing, apparently. And when I said she has a better library that I ever did, her doctor said, " This is the best parenting model ever." We gave her first book at the age of 6 months. Now she asks for books and I can't be prouder. The fact that our pediatrician mentioned how he has started blogging to raise awareness about how to humanize our children brings us to the whole point of how this generation is nothing but addicted to screens. Currently, we are facing the biggest meltdowns at home with Ichu because whenever she steps outside, she sees a kid with a mobile phone. Every single family member that visits us will play with her for 5 min and then get back to scrolling on the phone. How do you expect her to remain calm when the entire world around her makes her feel that she is not as important as the metal piece in their hand. It's actually sad that kids have no choice but to ask for a phone just so that they can be a part of our family. It's the sense of belonging that they want. How do we humanize our child when the rest of the world are turning theirs into robots. How do we humanize our child when the immediate family pays no respect to what we suggest. How do we humanize our child when she has to yell to get attention from others phones. How do we humanize our child when we are considered villians for taking a stand.  How do we humanize our child? 

 We began our trip from Kochi to Varkala on 20th March in the wee hours and here's to the beautiful little black cat that crossed our path as soon as we started the ignition. I immediately asked Momo, " Why do you think old traditions and superstitious people say that when a black cat crosses our path when we are about to start our auspicious journey, it is considered as a bad omen?". His reply was, "I know right, they are most beautiful creatures. Black is so elegant." There, right there is the reason why I know I have high standards while choosing the wisest and kindest people in my life. Hail Momo!Dear little black kitten, Thank you for crossing our path. The trip was nothing sort of magical and Ichu was excited to see you run past us. I hope we humans learn to respect  and genuinely appreciate everyone around us irrespective of color just like you animals. You do not deserve to be deemed unworthy by us mere mortals who clearly can't afford to understand why God made us in different colors and sizes. Lion King was written by a human. A villian like Scar would never happen in the animal world. Think about it. I guess this is the by far the best opportunity for me to reaffirm that it's perfect to be different.