The last time I put down my thoughts it was yet another milestone for me in my parenting journey. I had to wean off Ichu last November due to my health and we have been on a roller-coaster ride ever since.

Ichu, on the other hand, had to go through several melt downs considering the amount of brain development that happened during these many months. We started exposing Ichu to books when she turned 6 months old. Today she has a better library than I ever did as a kid. One of her books that stay close to my heart is called 'Feelings'. We used to read it every single day and now that she is capable of communicating exactly how she feels while facing new situations, I feel proud as a mother. I know I gave up my career to guide this little girl through her infancy but this has been my most successful project I ever undertook.

Ichu recently joined a pre-school and she hasn't found it comfortable yet. Momo and myself are currently finding small eateries near her pre-school in order to help ourselves reach her at the earliest whenever she starts to lose her cool. Today morning while I was busy packing her snack box, she held my hand and said," Amma, I don't want to go to school. I don't like that place." I looked her tiny little face and realized how much she has grown and how well she put her feelings across to me. Though her words broke my heart and made me wonder if I was a bad person to force my kid to go to a place she doesn't like, I decided to ask her what is stopping her to explore her new school and facilities. Then she said, " Ichunu ammaye kaanan patunnillallo!" How do you reply to that innocent answer? It's been 3 days she's been coming back with wet sleeves soaked in her tears and every time I go to pick her, she looks into my eyes with the most painful smile. I do understand that this is just a phase and that she will get used to school within week. I remember my father telling me the other day how I would beg him and cling onto his legs crying not to leave me at school but he would leave anyway because that's how the world works.

When our parenting techniques are so different you do feel alone in this society. We as parents have decided to give her childhood that she would always cherish. But here we are yet again, failing to keep our promise in order to make her part of the society. Life is so full of paradoxes as they say. I do not know how long this phase would be but each minute that I am away from her is like a million years of suffering for me. It's funny how tomorrow I still have to wear my confident mother face in order to ensure her smooth transition into a pre-school. Will it be worth it or should I just home school her?

New day, new milestone to achieve